The Realities of Friendship

I have very few close friends. I prefer it this way, and for the most part, keep the 'acquaintance' list fairly short, as well.

When I was a teenager, we were stuck to each other like glue. Friday and Saturday nights spent in parking lots, at the movies, house parties, fake fraternity parties, and being reckless with our decisions (Xanax + Alcohol + Swimming = Really? What were we thinking.) are some of the dearest, fun memories that I have.

We all got older, though. We all got 'real' jobs. We all got into 'real' relationships. Some moved away. Some had kids. Most got married. We all went through our times where handled some pretty big things all alone. After a bad breakup, I didn't speak to anyone for about a year and a half. One was in a different country, met her husband, and got married over seas. One went through a divorce.

Through all of this, though, we've known that if we ever needed anything, we would be there for each other. This being proven by a very pregnant friend, holding a crow bar, in my driveway whilst she listened to my ex-boyfriend yell and throw things at me. We could go for months, a year even, without talking or spending time with each other, and pick up exactly where we left like. Like no time had passed at all. It's still like that now, really.

J comes into town around once a year, but we're all there without fail at her parents house for the annual BBQ. I work so much that I want to vomit, but every six months, or so, S and I will have an epic bitchfest with either coffee, booze, or girlie movies. She understands that I don't always feel this overwhelming need to be social, to be there.

And then there's the one that left us all behind. Ugh. I really haven't given her much thought over the past year, or so. Chase has told me not to worry about her, that anyone who could forget her friends so easily wasn't worth my time. It was easy not to think of her, to be honest. I got a sick sense of pleasure knowing that the friend that my highschool boyfriend had been in love with (instead of me) wasn't really what she seemed. At least, that's what I told myself to make it easier.

She got married a little over a year ago... I think. Half of our friends weren't invited to the wedding, and my invitation had supposedly been lost in the mail. None of us went. I felt bad. Honestly, I'm not just saying that. Afterall, she had been a bridesmaid in my own wedding just a couple of years before.

She recently got in contact with S. Now, L and I were friends since I was 16. S and L were *best* friends since they were toddlers. After 20+ years of friendship, she just dropped her. That's why I'm so angry right now. She tells S that she's been depressed lately, and her life is just so hard, and that she and her husband that no one has ever liked are moving out of state and she wanted to say goodbye. After all the shit that she put her through, S needed to say goodbye to her. She needed to get all of the hurt out of her, and was looking forward to finally letting go. So what does L do? Tell her like, a day later that she actually didn't have time to stop by.

...

If I was a less rational person, I would throttle her myself.

How is it that some people have the ability to rip the heart out of a person's chest, stomp on it, and then walk away acting as if they never even got blood on their hands and shoes?